Fred was a real good friend.
We met in Cobble Hill brooklyn,
I knew him for 20 years.
The first time I ever had a salad over at Freds place on a summer day,
he handed me a sock—to use as a napkin.
I wondered if I was just too formal and square,
or is using a sock as a napkin within the realm of ok.
I guess in retrospect it turns out it was okay,
and now pretty funny.
Fred was generous to a fault - he would bestow his generosity
upon anyone who was willing to accept it.
Would do anything,
if possible,
for his friends and family.
Pretty incredible.
He lived for cultural events, and foodie things.
And full of contradictions:
for instance he didn't believe
in the idea of charging people money himself for food items…
yet was perfectly willing to spend 300 hard-earned dollars
on some skimpy but fancy meal at a high-end restaurant
—because it was "worth it".
Birthdays and Xmas meant so much to fred,
family and friend time were foundational;
and walking the annual halloween parade
with his friend Greg, in costume,
was a no-miss event.
Every year.
He called upon and saw his friends with regularity—
I might not hear from fred for five or six days,
but then he'd call and say,
typicially,
“Whats goin on?”
He wanted to be filled in.
He wanted to know about people
He wanted to talk as well,
he did have his enthusiasms…
but really he wanted to listen and be filled in.
I wanted so badly for him
to do another cheese-information video with me.
I was convinced that some day,
Fred would be star.
He was so smart, and so good
at how he related his knowledge about cheese.
But his answer again and again to my pressings was,
“Other people know so much more.”
It was frustrating, but I was convinced that eventually, he would relent.
But we don't know about tomorrow.
We know it will come, but we don't know
if it will come for us
or our loved ones.
We can only do whats immediate, now, here.
So we missed that further opportunity together.
In recent years
I've been struck by a line from the Carly Simon song Anticipation:
"these are the good old days."
We tend to look back, and marvel at how fantastic things were.
when in actuality, its happening right now.
THESE are the good old days.
So one time I was sitting in the park with Fred,
and I said,
“this is it, fred.
These are the good old days.
We're going to look back and see that this was a terrific time for us.”
And unfortunately, its true.
That day sitting on the grass in the park was a terrific moment in our lives.
I'm sorry to lose such a dear friend,
and more sorry for not making happen
what might have been… with Fred.
I will miss having someone who was an encouraging and championing friend to me.
Sometimes he gave me a hard time
for how I acted, and for the the things I said, and did.
And sometimes I jabbed right at him as well, and at his equally frustrating behaviors.
But all throughout, it really didn't matter—we were friends, and we loved one another.
I will miss him.
I will miss him so much.
I cant believe I can't call him to discuss… anything.
Too bad.
You will be missed, Fred.
You were a kind and generous spirit,
and I'm happy
to have had you in my life.
Goodbye.
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