Mark Tries His Smoothest Seduction-Moves

Mark was leaning sideways in his chair, trying to make time with the girl seated beside him. She was attractive and young, just to Mark's liking.

From afar, Steve was observing closely, and leaned in to his buddy Kaye standing beside him at that party.
"Hows that for body language? Just look at that."

And there was the girl, sidtting beside Mark—her arms folded across her chest. Her legs crossed, clamped together tightly and securely.

"If that doesn't scream CLOSED, I don't know what does."

The Eyepatch

It was Kindergarten, and everyone wanted that eyepatch. They were five years old and imagined themselves to be pirates and swashbucklers like they had seen on tv. But I was the one actually forced to wear it—because I was a spazzy little crosseyed retard kid.

The other little kids wanted a chance to feel like a real pirate, to look cool. I on the other hand have to tell you, there was nothing I wanted more in those days than to be rid of the encumbrance that was strapped onto my face each morning before starting my school day. It was a nuisance, and I hated it. So much so, in fact, that the doctor decided it more effective to instead have an eyepatch-shaped band-aid adhered onto my eye socket—to ensure it wouldn't be easily removed. I went from having an annoying strap on my face to a glued-down eye socket cover.

While all the kids in class were, unbeknownst to me, running up to the teacher with, "how come I can't have an eyepatch?" I was likely busy thinking, "why do I have to wear this eyepatch?"

Yeah.  Even as a kid the grass is greener on the other side.