IFP Market

I wondered to myself after our IFP event whether i should buy those two bottles of wine and stuff them in my backpack. And then I went off to the free-sushi party and was bogged, bogged down. With the wine, the giant metal tripod, the heavy backpack... what was I thinking.

Met various familiar characters, like Jesse Epstein, Ingrid, another cute British girl... various other filmmakers. Had nonstop sushi, and then when I thought i could escape, I let myself be roped into going from 4th street to Libation on Ludlow to ANOTEHr party. This one was the kickoff for the Woodstock Film Fest in October.

Met more various people, somewhat interesting.

Finally home now, and exhausted. whew.

And smoking a cig now.

The event went fairly smoothly, and maybe there's some grant monies in there for us. Somewhere.

I wonder. I never really could think out of the box to make that happen.

The sound wasn't great at our event, it was a mixed bag as always. The actors weren't amazing, but people seemed interested over all.

Where will our next raw word be, now that Galap is not responding, and is moving away.
Where... and more scripts to read.

I'm tired now...

Wackier and Wackier

Is there something wacky that I can say? I don't know.

I do know that I'm getting older, and i don't know which way to turn. I'm sure this affects many of us, many people, many folks, prior to dropping off the face of the earth.

Part of me thinks that I should be married with kids, in another life, a life that I somehow bungled.

But more likely, I was too scared to live.

I look back now, i awake with a start, and its not good. Its all the regrets of what I should've or couuld've done, swirling around my head. Its all about what I cannot do now, as opposed to what is possible.

I love that people tell the story of the lady who, after raising a family and grandchildren, fiinally got her law degree at 60-something and was a practizing law by age 70. That sounds a lot like Ann Landers Myth -- tho I hate to be a cynic. In fact, i do blieve it possible.

meanwhile, here i sit, hot, steamy, in my apartment, having just gotten back froma long walk (along a long pier -- the west side) with my friend Julianna. She's freaking out cuz SHE is 41, wants the kids, the man, etc. She's good looking, determined, self-reliant... she's A Force.

I think guys are somwhat scared of her. Even with her great looks. They're scared.

The Bad Addiction, as Amy says...

Its an utterly twisted fact that I'm attracted to people who are utterly consumed with themselves. In fact, its completely insane that while they are consumed with themselves and I am annoyed by this... I am yet drawn to them.

Is it all stemming from mother? and father?

Now suddenly I see sister, my dear sister! on a roll in her conversations.
She now speaks at a breakneck pace about everything under the sun both dull and yet excruciatingly detailed.

My mother loves to tell a story of me as a child.

She, typing her dissertation for her PhD, and me as a 7-year-old, coming in out of the summer day.

"How was your day today, son?" went the question as she typed distractedly.
"Well mom, blabbidy bla bla, yakkitty yakkkkk yakk, detail detail detail detail detail detail detail... endless and painful detail.. ."

That was a semi-not-so-funny story as a teenager. And now, now I see that the reason this ticked off my mama is that SHE needed to yak -- about HERSELF --endlessly, in the most self-important self-centered fashion possible! Which she now does on any and all occasions.

All emails, all conversations, are all filled with self self self and more self. No questions about how am I, how is this person or that person. No. Its all about her. And that has made a nice inner nest for me, annoying yet very real.

So, there you have it: my comfort zone. As I meet persons like mother and father, nonstop talkers, my inner voice says "Stay Away"!

And so what do I do? I go right for them. Like the moth to the flame!!