I knew Herb Since I was Six Years Old

Herb Weiss died on Thursday October 29, two days before Halloween. At night.
His mama died on September 19, 2015 - pretty much one month before him.

I don't know.  I cried at first, and then I really began to think and think. 

Not always the best route to go, but our brains work on overdrive.

There's a numbness there, too. 

The back story of herb is that he did not get enough circulation, did not exercise or eat right.

In fact, ate self destructively to escape his fate of taking care of unstable mama. (And before that, taking care of his dad who was divorced from mom.)

When his mom died last month, I think he internalized the despair and it wound him down. 

he was already ailing since his blood clot in March, and his heart was severely weakened and beating less and less strong.

His will, I think, was waning. Even tho he was super excited about the Mets.

i think his body was just closing down.  (He had texted me mid week that he had collapsed answering the door)

I asked him to promise to call 911 if he was failing, but he didn't answer that and was stubborn.

Defensive.

I"ll miss him, because he was my first memorable friend in 1st grade, this wacky kid running around the classroom.

Somehow we struck up a friendship and used to go to movies, and sleepovers and threw ice balls at buses and other silly city stuff.   And in high school we went to different schools but shared our obsessions with whatever girls we pining for.

He was really into playing ball and sports, and I totally sucked but played sometimes.  

Unfortuntaely where we diverged is that he got into the white powder, and that damaged him.

He had some friends he would go on binges with, and that was, ultimately, coupled with the overeating - his wreckage.

He went on weekend binges frequently enough throughout his life that it had to catch up to him in body and mind.

When I visited him last October, his mother watched him stuff cold cuts into his face and she said, "He HAS to stop this! He is going to kill himself! He'll kill himself!"

Totally prophetic.

he started having bronchial cough in November, and December, and then in January going to doctor upon doctor trying to discover what was up, why his body swelled up like a balloon all over… And then went to ER in March to find the heart blot clot, the damaged heart, diabetes, blah.  Essentially he had become a disaster area. 

So in early Sept, his mother dies of cancer (without any prior pain or warning!!),

 and then in October he kinda loses his health, his will to live… and expires. 

He could never manage his diet sanely. 

(He visited here early october, remember. We saw the mets national league playoff game and he had to be wheelchaired around - a first for him!).  

 And during the visit he ate badly - burgers sandwiches sodas, boozes… I told him no this is not right. That it cannot be healthy to eat this way when one can barely walk.

but he didn't want to hear it. Insisting he knew what he was doing.

Essentially he was choosing his fate.

Its very sad, I will miss him. 

But he made lifestyle and life choices. 

The best I can do is put this in perspective.

I tried to be there and comfort him as a friend by phone and text.

But that wasn't enough. He went his course. 

I'll miss him. I have many memories. 

the worst part is, to be able to turn to a person and say ,"remember when we…?"

But they're not there.